EVERYBODY GOT THEY CUP BUT THEY AIN'T PITCHED IN:

Free tickets to see Snoop Dogg, Biatch!



Apparently, this Snoop Dogg fellow enjoys smoking the pot.
- posted by Aaron @ 11:40 AM

 
ROMANCE:



Miller High Life Girl, will you marry me?
- posted by Aaron @ 12:28 PM

 
PLUMBING THE DEPTHS OF MY SCIENCE HOLE:

From deep within the science hole located in my basement, I have managed to produce a device of such invent-aciousness as to boggle and astound the minds of mere mortals.


My Science Hole

Behold the Nostrilator™! Look on my works, Ye Mighty, and despair!

The Nostrilator™

This ingenious device is capable of detecting and identifying the odor of any individual, and in the interests of science I have harnessed its mighty powers in the pursuit of the answer to that age-old question: what do celebrities smell like?

Methodology:
Harnessing the power of the Information Superhighway, and the mighty Nostrilator™, I undertook a systematic examination of the famous and the infamous. After capturing the unique odor signatures of my target subjects, I crunched the numbers using the prodigious might of my Ebcron Von Briggstratten 3000 ™.


Ebcron Von Briggstratten 3000 ™

The statistical analysis was mind-boggling, let me tell you! But, after many sleepless weeks slaving over the z scores of complex statistical algorithms devised by Nazi-era scientists, I was finally able to compile this brief list of celebrities and their unique odor profiles.

Results:


Veal Piccatta


Mainly burnt hair, but also a hint of cinnamon


Lemon Yogurt


Peanuts


Watermelon Jolly Ranchers


Pigeons and Old Spice


Snuggle fabric softener and smoked turkey cold-cuts


Pickle relish and dashboard vinyl


Cocaine and hookers


Diesel fuel and Alberto VO5, also corn dogs
- posted by Aaron @ 12:48 PM

 
NOTE TO SELF:

They should put a warning on the side of cans of Hamm's beer. It should read, "Warning the combination of Hamm's (which comes from the land of sky-blue waters), inner-tubing all day in the sun, and credit cards may result in un-intended plane tickets to San Diego."

I am in serious need of a life coach.
- posted by Aaron @ 12:00 PM