A BITCHIN' NEW SCREENPLAY:

The War of the Undead
By Aaron M. Abrams & James M. Wende

Act I

Scene:
Two low hills face each other divided by a wide dusty plain. The sun is setting, and an eerie wind blows.

A slow panning shot reveals a mass of figures standing in formation on the crest of each hill. Flashing close-ups give us disjointed views of each group of figures, one a milling shuffling mass of undead, brain eating zombies, the other a tattered and decayed army of mummies.

Finally, with a low moan of "Brrrrrraaaaaiiiiiinnnnnssssss" from the Zombie army, and the dusty moan of...uh...whatever noise it is that mummies make, the two armies begin to advance down the slopes towards each other.



Act 2

Scene:
After approximately 90 minutes of different shots and exciting camera angles, complete with beating drums and crazy, wacked-out, mind-blowing techno music, plus all sorts of CGI shit like bullet time and lots of insane steady cam work, the Zombie army and the Mummy army are about half way down the hill.



Act 3

Scene:
The music rachets up a notch, shit is getting way hectic, yo. The sun is setting blood red on the horizon as we pan out into one of those ridiculously choreographed set shots like Kurosawa does in the movie Ran. The shuffling and moaning armies are mere feet from each other, we watch in goddamn crippled excitement as the two seething masses of the undead take 15 minutes to walk the last couple of yards.



Act 4

Scene:
The two massive armies of the undead slowly combine into one big blob. All the zombies start eating mummies, and the mummies start strangling and mummy-cursing the shit out of the zombies. This scene will be shot using hand held cams and grainy filmstock to give it that Saving Private Ryan feel. After about 20 minutes, with the crazy techno shit getting even crazier, and all kinds of awesome gory close-ups of severed mummy legs, and strangled zombies, and like, hordes of the various undead eating each other, there's no one left standing, just a giant heap of bandage covered mummy and rotting zombie flesh.



FIN

Credits roll, as Ja Rule and Ashanti sing the theme song.
- posted by Aaron @ 11:32 AM